cautionary tale......

Read the news today and saw my worst case scenario come to life.....

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2012/dec/27/mom-pleads-guilty-to-drowning-autistic-son/

I remember what life was like BEFORE autism and I can remember what my reaction would have been if I had read this article then.
I would have thought the worst of that woman. She was a selfish demon who didn't deserve that angel of a child. That woman deserves to rot in hell/prison for the rest of her life. How in the world could anyone do such a thing?

The part that got me in the article was how they made a point to quote the school therapists who confirmed that the interventions were working for her boy.

Why would you say that? Why would you print that? Why would you insist to include a sentence that would further incriminate the woman for killing her boy?

The responsible thing would be to spotlight the turmoil and struggle for autism families.  There are two sides to this story.

But I can only say that because I can tell the truth about the horrible things that you think as an autie mom.
You can fear so many things for typical children....but for your autie kids....it is much worse. My boys cannot communicate anything beyond concrete requests for items and places. They cannot even tell you if something hurts. One of the only indicators that they could be ill is that they will lie on the couch and not move or stuff is coming out of either end of their bodies waaaaay too quickly.

My boys have excellent teeth and awesome health. Strong, big bodies that will last them for forever. They are going to live for a very long time and even after Guy and I are gone from this precious earth. I will be gone. They will be here. I won't be here to take care of them. That scares the hell out of me.

A horrible truth about me is that I have imagined ways that my boys could die. I have prayed for them to be taken early so that they would finally be safe and with the Lord and not vulnerable here on the earth. It would be easier knowing they wouldn't suffer with something like cancer or diabetes. How could they understand or tolerate chemo, arthritis, anything? Just thinking about it now is making me upset. But it IS reality. 

This poor woman. She probably hadn't slept in years. She was probably sick with worry, anger, frustration, rage, sadness, madness, and full of despair. Now she is left with a ruined life but her boy is safe. I know I could never do what she did, but I can understand where she came from.