It was a great idea and we were on track to move to Riverside and most likely down the street from the boys. DJ will graduate and we will move and we won't have drive 40 minutes in order to see our boys.
Knowing what our future was going to look like, it was a pleasure to enjoy all the "last" events of DJ's school year. Last choir concerts, last prom, last year of seminary..(YEEEEEEEEEHAW!!!!!!)....the end of it all. The end of one season of our lives and the start of a new chapter.
The best part was imagining some sensation of exhaling and the possibility that something might slow down.
and then....a phone call.....
The boys' home is going to close. It is going to close in six weeks. The reasons are neither here nor there but it is going to happen.
What the flip?
(I wrote that last bit in May, four months ago). At this moment, Ty is settling in for the night in his new house and Spence may or may not be thinking about falling asleep in HIS new house. ( I wrote this last bit the end of June).
The process of changing homes for the boys was frightening, disheartening but at least it turned out well. They don't talk to the case workers that see and know the children. They don't talk to the current caregivers. It is the law and the law is jacked.
So you sit and wait while the clock is ticking for a phone call. You get a phone number and set up a blind date to see a facility that they think might be a good match for your kiddo.
The first look-see was frightening. Lady Cranky Pants was taken aback by all my questions I had about her house. She was alone in the house so I couldn't see any of the clients or staff. The rooms were cramped and small and Spence would have had to share a bedroom. But I made the mistake of asking about the working hours and how many staff there were...etc, etc. She said that she had never had anyone ask her so much.
I know. Crazy mother. My non-verbal child should be fine in any kind of circumstance. It was an obvious "no" and now I had to see what was next on the list. You cannot imagine the stress.
Contestant number two was a huge relief. Giant house. Great staff. Great everything. Including the fact that Spence wouldn't have to change schools. Guy and I went together to see it and the feeling was right. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy change but only having to change homes was a small blessing. We took Spence over for a visit and let him check out everything.
They absolutely passed the "smell" test and we knew that everything was going to be fine.
The biggest blessing was Tyler's change. He was able to transition to an adult facility staying with the same service provider. Even better, they transferred two of his careworkers to that house so that he had some familiar faces.
Miracle....miracle...and miracle.
Guy spent days painting and spiffing up their new bedrooms. We bought new bedspreads and got it all 'teenager' ready. Not just to make it cool for the boys but to signal to the new staff that we are intimately invested in our boys' care.
Huge changes. The boys will be in different houses. Two sets of staff. A new school system for Tyler. On top of everything else I was working five days a week. Guy was able to step up and get it done.
Now...the aftermath.
Tyler is doing fantastic. Turns out he is doing much better not living with his brother Spencer along with the rest of us. He has gained 5 pounds and is spending lots of time outside of his bedroom. Eating like a horse and turning 18 in just a few weeks.
Spence is doing great at well. Aside from not sleeping for the first few weeks, he has settled in and is back to school in fine form.
DJ has enjoyed a luxurious summer with all the freedom to relax without a schedule.
I enjoyed some great success at work but at the cost of working six days a week for three weeks in a row. The extra work coupled with the logistical nightmare of picking up the boys from two different houses was horrible.
It is still horrible and therefore I made the executive decision to lower my work week to four days a week. I need the time.
This transition to two houses was a horrible experience. Mentally, physically and emotionally destructive. I know I ate myself five pounds heavier just trying to numb the stress away. Hooray for elastic waist pants-eh? But the blessings come and now we can count a few.
Tyler is more relaxed. Spence is calming down too. We brought both of them to the first ward party last night and it was half as stressful as the last time.
They were able to mosey around the gym instead of bolting. They were able to transition to eat their dinner and wait for dessert. Today Guy is taking both of them to the beach with the youth group from our ward.We did it. We survived the transition.]
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