1. the ability to maintain one's balance on board ship, esp in rough weather
2. the ability to resist seasickness, esp in rough weather
Two things...maintaining balance and resisting seasickness. The sickness is a new one for me. I have always associated "sea legs" with only managing to stay upright.
I've been thinking a great deal lately about where I am at.
1.It has been over a year since I started part time work for Macy's and five months since being hired full time by Lancome as a Beauty Advisor.
2.It has been roughly three and a half years since we became Group Home parents.
This has been an enormous adjustment for the whole family. An epic transition from being a stay at home mom for 17 years to being on my feet all day. The work has been a blessing for me to occupy my mind and give me something to focus my attention. It has been an exercise in patience as I learned to deal with passing by the off ramp to the boys' house on my way to work and late at night going home. It really was a horrible feeling for months.
I had an idea that we could meet the staff at a location after my work instead of taking a half hour to drive to their house to pick up the boys myself. Guy and I waited for the kids and chatted. The boys showed up and we goofed around finding food treats and checking out the dog store in the mall. They have the puppies in plexiglass boxes and you are allowed to play with the puppies in little sitting rooms. I didn't want to traumatize any puppy by making them endure Spencer's loud exclamations. He got the biggest kick watching too little guys wrestling in their box. He loved it and I loved seeing him enjoy it. We hit up the candy store and I took them home.
For as much as I would love to tell other parents' considering group home placement that you eventually get used to it, I can't. I can tell you that you get your sea legs. You learn to stay upright while the boat is moving. And in this case, the boat feels like it is in a hurracane most of the time. But it can be done. It takes time. It takes more time than you think or want to imagine you need.
For as much as I would love to tell other parents' considering group home placement that you stop being sick about your decision, I can say this. You do learn how to deal.
We had a lovely visit with the boys. They were very well behaved. It felt wonderful to see them because I miss them all the time. They went home happy, I brushed their teeth and tucked them into bed. Then I went home and Guy held me tight while I cried. I don't cry as often but I don't mind it as much because I know now that the crying helps, I ask for my hugs and they help too. I know the signs of what I need to process the loss for that day and then I can move on.
It really doesn't stop sucking but you do learn how to be kind to yourself. You learn to feel happiness and satisfaction and love for yourself again. You gain the ability to resist the sickness of punishing yourself and those around you for the pain you suffer. It gets better.
And that is how you get your sea legs.
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