church today was at the boys' ward. It was so sweet to scoot over the wash to their house, slip on their church duds and sneak into the back row of their ward's Sacrament meeting.
Spencer was a flurry of activity. Hooting and grunting in between attempts to outsmart me on my ipad. He wanted the volume up full blast and I was the one enforcing the only rule that mattered at the moment: "in church...no sound". Ty was content to flip around the cover of my ipad that Guy removed for him.
I heard snippets of the talks and prayed quietly to myself; giving thanks.
The members were warm and welcoming and the couple sitting in front of us were nothing but smiles. We spent 10 minutes with the Young Men's leader who was nothing but excited to see how he could make the boys feel included. Wednesday night is mutual so Guy can swing by after work and they can play with the kids.
I am in my own private heaven.
Our cozy little house is just the right size. I haven't figured out just the right tool to get the hard floors dog-hair-free, but that will come in time I spect. I exhale every day when i leave for work and know that I don't have to fight the 91 traffic and it's mandatory jackknifed semi every blessed day. Our fridge with working ice maker and water dispenser is full of leftovers from the surrounding restaurants because the kitchen still isn't unpacked and neither of us want to cook yet.
After church yesterday we brought the boys to the new house to see what they thought. We ate together...the boys relaxed. Spence pounded on the piano and asked me to sing "Winnie the Pooh". I tended to Ty's stubborn acne with some treatment masks and they both seemed to like the new digs.
Later that evening we drove back up to Redlands. DJ's best friend was giving a talk in the priesthood meeting for the stake. Since his baptism he has progressed from strength to strength. He is a monster in the family history center and is taking his geneology names to the temple. He asked Papa Skoy to ordain him to the office of Elder. Some serious joy there.
Heaven
This whole day reaffirmed our decision long ago to outsource our family support. We chose placement in a group home to help us take care of our family. Not a decision for everyone. If you don't need it, all the better. For us it was necessary and I couldn't be more grateful that the resources were available. I know too well that isn't the case for everyone who needs it.
And the reason I write out the words again and again is because of the move. Over and over again we introduce ourselves and we have to explain our circumstances. Inevitably you hear more stories about severely effected kids in the lives of our new circle of church and community. Very few of them are in placement. Again and again I question what we did and I have to walk my brain through the process.
If there was any way to explain it I would say that the decision was never ok, but it was the correct and necessary thing to do.
For as challenging it is to be in the special needs community, having your children in placement is the equivalent of the scarlet letter. It still isn't common and there is so much stigma attached to it.
But we are here now. Our boys live in one house and we live in another. Their daily care is in the hands of others. We supplement and see them as often as we want. And we do want that. Now in our circumstances, we can make up for so much lost time.
The fruits of our labor are coming to bear.
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