Currently we are not taking the two youngest to church. It has been about two years now that we have been leaving them at home with a sitter.
This decision has been bittersweet for me.
Sweet because I have rediscovered my enthusiasm for church. I come home relaxed and renewed. I am able to help out with music and lessons without the dread of a meltdown waiting to happen.
Bitter because I want to be able to enjoy church as an entire family. I want my children to be known and loved by the members. In my fantasies, we would be able to enjoy and participate in all the church programs and activities like "normal" families. I want to be like everyone else.
Guy and I have gone around and around talking about this issue. He is flat out not interested in trying to do it. Not ready..no way.
I promised him I wouldn't talk about it again but just this morning I read a dialogue about autism and church on an online magazine website. There are people out there trying to make it happen. There are people trying to do this. There are parents in the classrooms at church doing this.
And then the moment I start thinking about how big a failure I am at giving up, i remember how long my week is and what I have to go through every single day/hour/week/year just to get by. How much do I look forward to those three hours of heaven.
It makes me want to write another email and explain my position again. I already wrote one but the only emails they are posting are the one's that talk about keeping the kids in church.
I'm astonished that I want outside validation for my decision.
This is new territory for me. make a decision, be fine with it, not have any agreement from anyone else.
Hello! What a breakthrough. I may just end up an independent thinker yet!
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