non-verbal communication......

Feedback is incredibly valuable and you cannot appreciate it until you desperately need it and it isn't there.

Take Saturday's trip with Tyler and myself. I had the day off and I wanted to take Ty out just the two of us. There were a few errands that needed to be handled and I thought he would enjoy the one on one time.

I could tell right off the bat that things weren't going to go the way I had planned.

Clue #1: Ty was in "slow-motion-Tyler-mode". This consists of refusing to move faster than cold molasses in the dead of winter. He will pull his seat belt over and hover above the clip for what seems like an eternity.

Not a good sign.

Clue #2: Once we pull into the parking lot of the mall, there is no unbuckling of said belt or attempt to open the door.

Crumb. I was really hoping for a good visit.

Clue #3: Once inside the doors, he stands stock still, arms over his head, eyes closed and won't walk.

These are the moments when I want feedback. I want to pry open their minds and find the list of things hidden in there that will help us enjoy our time together. I want options, solutions, choices and answers. I want more information than the obvious communication of ..."NOT THIS".

Not to be deterred, I powered through the list of things to do. I was able to introduce Ty to a number of my coworkers and he was wonderfully non compliant.

We got a pretzel and some cookies and we were doing fine until he saw the gelato store. Sorry buddy but we won't get that. Because at the same time that I want him to communicate....it is equally frustrating when there is a host of choices. Even though he knows that he wants said gelato..he won't point to what he really wants. He always ends up unhappy with his choice/non-choice and wants more. Does that make sense? Oh and don't forget the ensuing shame- spiral from my now exposed sub-par powers of ESP.

I ended up stopping for an In-N-Out shake on the way home. I KNOW that two chocolate shakes are his favorite and that seemed to cheer him up. It only took two hours to crack that code.

The drop off was tricky and I didn't want Spence to see me. I didn't want him to be disappointed when I didn't take him out of the house. But the computer was acting up and I needed to come in after all. He kept pulling on me and saying, "Car please". After 10 requests he finally gave up but was visibly agitated. Again, the feedback is only displeasure....only..."NOT THIS".

The staff was quick to realize we needed an emergency cookie break and I was able to leave without incident but not without a certain heaviness.

I know I'm going to want more the rest of my life. That gap between what my boys are able to communicate and what I want to know will never be crossed until later.

Until then...I will just keep doing my best. I'm going to keep trying to help my guys. To all the rest I would say, treasure all that important information and feedback that you get every day. It is all a miracle.

(This pic convinced me that Tyler is secretly "TinTin" and posed for Steven Spielburg's new movie. )



(This is the look I call..."Blue Steel"....you will see it often during one of his Non-Choice moments.)


I'm throwing in this pic of last week's trip.....Chili's and Target and haircuts......oh my!