after a year of living separately....

a year ago this month, Ty and Spence were separated into different group homes. Their adolescent home had been closed for financial reasons. And even though we wanted to keep using the same company for both of them, they only had a space for Ty at another location.

it was soul crushing for me to check out other placements. You learn too much about how some of these kids have to live. I'm still upset by the one lady I interviewed who took offense with my detailed questions.

I was pleased with the arrangement we ended up with because Spence could stay with his school but it was a necessary evil. The house was meticulous and well kept. The staff were polite and helpful but it just didn't have that vibe we needed. Plus it was a nightmare getting to the house.

This is how it went.
right, right, left, right, left, left, stop, left, right, stop, speed bump, stop, speed bump, right, right.
all of that on the twisty, windy back streets up and down steep hills. I swear I was sea sick every time.

Two houses. Two sets of staff. Two schools. Double the visits. Double the time. Double the guilt.

If we wanted to spend a day together at the house it took two hours to pick them up from their respective homes and get here. Another two hours to take them home.

It was a very long year.

The brightest spot was a surprise. Tyler's High School turned out to be exceptional.
In all my years of advocating, I have NEVER had an IEP where the whole team was on the same page like we were. It was extraordinry. Of course it took knowing just how bad an IEP could be to appreciate that gem of a moment.

So now they are together. We moved Spence a week before school ended. The staff transported him every day so that he was able to finish out the school year with his class. I was naughty and I didn't even bother telling his new school district that he was there. I should have filled out an INTER district registration and let everyone know what was going on. My inner rebel said that what they didn't know, wouldn't matter.

The boys don't share a room together but Spence shares a room with D. D is in his 40s. He doesn't mind any of the noise from Spencer's computer and he is most content sitting in a chair and spinning a ball in his hands.

I cannot express the size and satisfaction of the mental exhale I breathed after moving day.

Just for the record. It is NEVER ok to be separated from my boys. The closest I can get is a soft sense of peace that we did the right thing. Outside of that there is a constant burn just under the surface while I tolerate our circumstance. Extra stress, news of problems with the boys' classrooms and situations that prevent us from regular visits turn up the heat on that burn.

Needless to say, this has been a long, hot, year.