I remember when we were signing the paperwork for Spencer's placement last year. The home manager and the attending nurse were with me and as usual were asking me how I was doing.
Before...during and after I would always say..."I'm hanging in here" while I was gritting my teeth and trying desperately to find a happy thought. It was not easy at all.
Still, our nurse gave me a bit of advice. She said..."just wait until a month goes by...THAT is when it starts to get tough".
She was right then and it is true this time as well.
The euphoria was short lived last summer because we still had Tyler as a handful to handle. The strain was cut in half but was still ever present.
This time we have had the euphoria and real respite time too.
There have been some really great, relaxing days. And now the reality is starting to peek out from around the corner.
I am a mom who doesn't live with her kids. Who does that?
What kind of a weird life is this? It almost seems like pretend. I see pictures of Ty and Spence on my screen saver during the day and it feels like a movie that I slept through.
I feel guilty not having them here. I feel angry that I was so very stressed. I feel incredibly relieved to not be on duty every day for my boys.
And I miss them all the same.
Guy and I took the dogs for a walk through the park....spontaneously!? There was no set time to get home for the sitter?????
Who does that?
I can feel the month mark creeping up on me. Helloooo transition.
1 comment:
When I read this sentence... "I am a mom who doesn't live with her kids. Who does that?" It really touched a nerve with me. That is my future. For now I am trying to avoid it for my oldest. But I know that at some point his aggression and behaviors will make it both physically and emotionally impossible for him to live at home.
As difficult as this is for you and your family I pray that you find some comfort in knowing that reading about your journey helps me immensely. It is as if you are paving the road I will walk and it helps to know a friend has been there before.
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