slo mo......

After the first whirlwind weeks of change, I'm finding a new dominant sensation: slow motion.

I'm sleeping a lot. Thinking a lot. Remembering a great deal and trying ever so hard to speed up this transition.

In anticipation of the change, I could only imagine what I would feel and do once Tyler moved and we were reduced to only three people at home.

Now that the change has finally come, the experience has not been at all what i expected.

My motivation to do anything has been greatly reduced. It's almost as if I have become a shadow of myself and I don't mind it at all. The only thing I want to do is to move slowly and not hurry.

It is a complete reverse from what life has been for the last 12 years. Hurry...hurry....hurry. Hurry and get done before another disaster reveals itself. Hurry and catch the boys making another huge mess. Hurry and keep Spence from climbing the hill and peeing in front of the neighbors again. Hurry and get home so that the sitter won't be too discouraged and not want to work again. Hurry and go shopping before the school bus gets there, before the therapy needs to start again. Hurry and get done before the kids are through with therapy and I have to be on duty again.Hurry and get the supplies for therapy or I could be delaying the boys' progress. Hurry and find another respite care worker. Hurry and find more information about anything that might make a difference. Hurry...hurry...hurry.

Now. There is no hurry.

It feels so good to move slowly.

I made cookies last night from a new recipe and I didn't hurry through the recipe. (the cookies turned out to be amazing)

I cooked dinner today. Slowly...without an ounce of urgency.