woulda....coulda.....shoulda.......

That's one of my favorite phrases. My husband conveniently reminds me to say it sometimes when I am waxing wistful.

I don't know. I'm in a contemplative mood. (hence the multiple posts)

Things turned out so differently than what I had planned.

This is what I was planning on:

Go to college and get my degree.
Serve a full time mission for 18 months.
Find a really great guy to marry.
Make a dozen kids with him.
Have a life just like the one I read about in "Cheaper By The Dozen" except my husband would have the temperament of a much kinder person.
Live happily ever after.

wow.
I have taken a few detours, that is for darn sure.

Counting my blessings first...I did marry up. My man and I have forged a great partnership which has come in handy the last few years.
I did serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Rosario ARgentina. It was ama-za-zing. 19 months of nothing but service and sharing the gospel . It was brutal work sometimes but those relationships and experiences are eternal.
I have three VERY healthy children. We have had so little problems has far as health is concerned.
I did get TO college. Several for that matter. Five to be exact.
I have yet to graduate.
I used to be obsessed with distinguishing myself academically and career-wise. To the point of overextending my resources and time to try and finish.
Done with that. It never felt right and my home suffered.
There will be plenty of time for that later...or not. I may never finish.
and I am finally ok with that. I still read voraciously. I'm never NOT trying to get better at what I do.
It just isn't about the piece of paper on the wall anymore. I don't need to be THE MOST AMAZING AND TALENTED therapist in the universe .
It is more important to be attentive to the needs of my family instead of the un-fillable hole that is my ego.
As a family, we make do with less. And less is more.

Autism was the mother of all curve balls. Nice one. I don't think I will ever stop imagining what life could have been like if they all had been typical children. It helps to see people cherish their children. It hurts to see people annoyed and bothered by them.

Still haunted by the thought that we missed something. If we had only done something else, we could have cracked their little minds open.

But...that is the point of this post.
Live in the moment. Cherish what you have. Be grateful for every blessing.

WORRYING DOES NOT TAKE AWAY TOMORROW'S TROUBLES...
IT ONLY TAKES AWAY TODAY'S PEACE.