What I would tell you....

i just finished putting on my work makeup for the day. Why would I even think about writing words of advice to a parent emerging from the office where they were told the words, "your child has autism"?

There are still so many strong emotions about our journey. Even though it has been "official" for 17 years.

But if I were running into myself again at the beginning I would say and do so many things.

A hug of encouragement would be first to come.

I would say that it does get better but the fire never goes away completely. You are going to get really comfortable with heat. You will be shocked by just how much mental anguish is coming and the fatigue will be unbelievable. But you will get through it.

I was fortunate to have my husband's support and encouragement. If you are alone...get friends. Find a group that works for you.

Manage your mental health care. White knuckling it through everything on your own. I am really amazed at how easy it was to define my childrens' strengths and weaknesses but I was consistently ignoring my own limitations.

You do talk yourself into thinking that you have it all together. Adding one more thing to the pile does seem counterproductive. But by having a counselor that actually lived and worked in group homes and institutions, I was lucky because she knew. She KNEW.

The hardest thing to do is to get off the rails of the comparison train. There are a million different forms of autism and the needs are unique. Every family needs something different but try not to listen to the idea that there is only ONE right solution.

Be flexible.

Build relationships in the schools. You are getting married to these people. Treat them with respect and not as an enemy. The old saying applies, you catch more flies with honey. Don't let your anguish about missing critical developmental services for your child tempt you to bring napalm to an IEP and roast every administrator, frustrated teacher or school psych at the table.

Save your frustration for later. And work very hard to respectfully disagree.