the University of SNARK.......

With age and maturity one comes to view their upbringing with clearer eyes. You appreciate the complex ability of the human psyche to cope and pledge, as a parent, to forge new avenues for your own offspring.

But the power of habit can be too strong sometimes.
The ability to "zing" your fellow family members and innocent bystanders, extended family, etc. with snarky comments was an art form in our family.

Of course, after long study in the behavioral sciences and extensive therapy of my own I have since come to understand that "ability" to be a coping mechanism. Used frequently and with dripping sarcasm, "zingers" work wonders to ease an anxious mind, soothe a suffering ego and compensate for deep insecurities. It is an excellent tool for keeping others at a distance and eliminating empathy and intimacy.

You feel like a king for a few brief seconds as you dress down someone with withering and pithy disdain. It lasts even longer when someone notices the deftness of your stinging comment and compliments you. (Hello....positive reinforcement for bad behavior).

The desire to keep up the good work is seriously strengthened when those compliments are intermittent....Hello...THE STRONGEST FORM OF REINFORCEMENT THERE IS.

But the glory is short lived. The sensation of gain from another's loss is brief and fleeting because after the high comes the low. You are back where you started with the original pain and discomfort looking for another opportunity to take the edge off.

You can see the parralells in modern television. Programs are chok full of clever narcissists behaving badly and being admired for it by their peers or with a laugh track. The appearance of "winning" on the screen is intoxicating.

It has been an uphill battle to watch my tongue and resist the temptation to persist in gossip and censure of the people in my life. Ask my friends and my husband...I am most definitely a work in progress. Every now and then the words just fly out, it's automatic BUT there is hope. I find myself listening to the words first a lot more often than not. I think I can almost see the difference between having some fun, being clever and really being insecure and critical.

Therefore I find it amusing when my son asks me questions and the old me can't help herself and answer with the deftness of a professor of snark

Me: So, honey how was your first day of High School?
Son: It was soooooo boring! I can't believe how boring it was!
Me: what did you expect...balloon animals???? (cue: reinforcing raucous laughter from husband)

Son: what are some of the traditions we have in our family??
Me: everyone does everything that I want....ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Son: very funny Mom.